Selfishness is a luxury not everybody can afford. You don’t pay for it. Somebody else does.
Sometimes it involves cutting a part of your conscience and letting it bleed.
It requires a blindfold, painted with your own damn face.
It requires you to be a parasite, sometimes a guilty one.
It requires carrying your interests on top of your head while others struggle to protect theirs from being trampled down by your feet.
And yet there comes a time when you seek this evil, after having terribly and hopelessly failed as a selfless being.
It comes easy when you are young, expressed in the most innocent way-not sharing that new bar of chocolate with your sibling. Simple. It is instinctive then. It is natural. It is what you are born with, this selfishness. Until you are taught and conditioned to treat it as a vice and relinquish it forever. You forget all about it. You rub it off your mind, you bury it down somewhere, sometimes feeling guilty about its subconscious resurfacing. You are a good person, you tell yourself, a selfless person. Just like you had sworn to be a truthful person when you were once caught lying by your mom, only to realize later that lying is inevitable.
So yes, years later you look for it once again, to get some elements of it back, to make it your own, because you can’t be this person anymore, you can’t be a host to all these parasites anymore. You wish to be one of them. Because that is how survival works.
May be that’s why we were born with it. May be we were never meant to give it up entirely, and just use this ‘anti-value’ in moderation. Sometimes taking from people and sometimes giving them unconditionally?
But again, selfishness is a luxury not everybody can afford. Sometimes you can be selfish because someone is letting you be. You will be returning the favour later, or may be you get to be the ultimate selfish human.